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Marriage was
ordained by God in the beginning. As such, He placed a high value on it.
Unfortunately, this high value caused the almost immediate attack by the adversary
on this holy institution. With-in just six generations the Bible reports that
plural marriage entered humanity. In Genesis 4:19 Moses writes, “Then Lamech
took for himself two wives: the name of one was Adah, and the name of the
second was Zillah.” From that point to the modern society of AD 2011 Satan has
tried to corrupt the institution of marriage in order to disrupt the plan God
has for mankind. The Bible spells out a godly approach for men and women to
accomplish His will for the family.
First, God
designed the family to be represented in a certain form, namely a husband, a
wife, and children where God blesses. The structure of the marriage is
foundational to the success of a society.
In order to see that clearly, all one would need to do is look to God’s
Word. As an example of this, Ephesians 5:22-23 states that wives should, “submit
to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything
to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word.” With this Scripture passages as a backdrop,
the roles of husbands and wives can be looked at in greater detail.
The role of the
husband is one of great responsibility. The Bible states that the husband is
the “head” of the wife. The Greek word translated head here is Kephale. A
lexicon has defines the word as such: anything supreme, chief, prominent of
persons, master lord.[1] It is apparent that the husband is to have
the role of authority in the marriage relationship. While many egalitarians
have a problem with this concept, their arguments fail to meet with the
criteria found plainly written in the Scriptures.
As Wayne Grudem
points out, an argument that the word kephale
actually means “source” makes no sense.
A man cannot be the source of his wife. And the argument that he is the
source of happiness is contrary to the definition of kephale.[2]
Instead, it should be seen that the husband is the authority. This does not
force the wife into subservience, however. When looking at the original
intention for marriage, one sees that the wife, in this case Eve, was to be a
helper for her husband. The Hebrew word for meet found in Genesis 2:18 is ‘ezer
and literally means “one who helps.”
They are to be a
partnership, in essence as well as in application. The husband should consult
his wife on most every question of the family and marriage. He should cherish
her input and her wisdom. Any man who believes that a woman is of inferior
intellect has obviously never considered Proverbs 31. As Adrian Rogers would
quip, “A woman is far superior to a man…at being a woman.” Many women are much
better bookkeepers than their husbands, as one example. True leadership is finding the right dynamic,
where each individual is contributing his or her utmost to the partnership so
that it is performing at its highest efficiency.
Having said that,
the headship, or authority, ergo responsibility, squarely lies with the
husband. The husband may delegate out certain responsibilities to his wife, but
ultimately, he is responsible to the family and to God for the outcome and
conduct of his charge. That is male headship.
Along with that is
female submission. The word submission has a nasty connotation in the modern
culture and society. It has become common practice for the word “submit” to be
removed from many wedding ceremonies. This portion being replaced by custom
vows or a more modern flair on the traditional, such as, “I promise to stand by your side.”
The point is that when the words submission and marriage come up in
conversation, many “liberated” women cringe. It truly is a shame that the word
has come to be a synonym for slavery. The Greek word is hupotasso and is define
as such:
A Greek
military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion
under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a
voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and
carrying a burden".
So it is easy to see that the
non-military term of “voluntary cooperation” is in view here. The wife is
voluntarily giving herself to her husband. In this there is a beautiful
illustration of the husband-wife dynamic that is so prevalent in the
God-Believer relationship. We must willingly give ourselves as slave of Christ,
if we are to be in a right relationship with Him. According to Tony Evans,
there is also a relationship illustrated in the fact that God is Trinitarian in
nature, and that the marriage illustrates that characteristic of God in the
three-way affiliation between man-wife-God.[3]
It is John Piper’s
belief that most women who reject this complimentarian view do so because they
do not understand the role of the husband. This is a great explanation, because
when a husband loves his wife the way Christ loves the church, she would
flourish in that environment. [4]
Submission is not about losing one’s identity or power; it is about trust.
Trust in the husband, and more importantly, trust in God.
Most church goers,
if they have been around a while, have no doubt heard about Little Suzie. She
came home from first grade and excitedly said, "Mom, today our teacher
told us the story of Snow White." For the next five minutes she then
recounted the fairy tale including the arrival of Prince Charming and his
rescue of Snow White. "Then do you know what happened, Mom?" Suzie
asked. "They lived happily ever after?" "No, Mom, they got
married." The anecdote plays on our sentimentality and fears; that most
marriages do not work out in the end. It is sad to think that way though,
because God provided a guide to help have a happy, fulfilling marriage. The key
is in the development of roles that are Biblically based. The husband has
certain roles to fill, as does the wife, and when these are mixed up or
jumbled, confusion sets in.
The husband’s role
is laid out in Ephesians, as has been previously discusses. The roles are
headship, a self-sacrificing attitude, and a determined will. He is to show
authority (headship), love his wife above himself (self-sacrificing), and be as
determined to see the marriage succeed as Christ was to see His bride redeemed
(determination.) In 1 Peter 3:7 husbands are admonished to give honor to their
wife. Husbands should not make them the butt of jokes or allow them to be seen
as anything beyond the honored bride that they married.
In the same
chapter, Peter encourages women to be submissive to their husbands. Again, the
word hupotasso signifies voluntary submission and not subservience. In another
role, Peter also instructs the wives to be as living epistles to their lost
husbands. By loving the husband,
cherishing him, and showing kindness to him, it is possible that he might be
won to the Lord.
There is also a suggested
dress code given in 1 Peter 3. In essence as well as application, Peter here
stresses modesty of the sake of the marriage. Otherwise, the role of a godly
wife is that of homemaker, mother, wife, and partner.
The conclusion to
the matter is not as simple as it would seem. The power struggles of everyday
life will work their way into the marriage. When she wants to go shopping on
Black Friday, and he has his eye of the football schedule, interests will
collide. And there is the command that husbands and wives are to submit to each
other in Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) Hopefully some clarity can be seen in the
fact that submission and love are so very similar to each other. There are
circumstances where it is appropriate for the husband to submit. If he has
entrusted her with the family finances, he should submit to her decision that
there is insufficient funds to purchase a new big screen television. And like
wise, wives are to love their husbands. Nevertheless, this system of male
headship and female submission is God honoring and is proven to work at making
a successful marriage.
It is easy to see
why many women in today’s culture think submission is equal to insanity. The
adversary has made it his mission to destroy the concept of family, home, and
marriage. When a saintly woman says she loves submitting to her husband, it
must seem to today’s liberated woman that she is saying, “I love to slam my
finger in a door jam.” But when one understands the portrait that God paints, a
loving wife, a dedicated husband, and a Holy God, coming together for
happiness, the picture begins to develop a high definition clarity.
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